Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
