My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
