just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
