am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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