if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
