My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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