we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
