Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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