why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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