sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
