I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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