so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
