Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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