Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
