hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
