Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
