Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
