So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
