Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
