we're chasing vodka with high fives
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
