I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
