I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
