What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this beer tastes like vomit already
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
