Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
