I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
