absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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