We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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