so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
