arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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