i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
