Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize