i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
