i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
