Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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