so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently you make a good broom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize