last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
