We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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