Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
