i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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