I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
