Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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