like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
