The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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