I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
