and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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