Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
