I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
