Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
