Welp...herpes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
