onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
