nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
