One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
