You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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