We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
