Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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