Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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