Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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