By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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