i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
