I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
