I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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