Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
