I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
