I bet he comes in French.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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